14 September 2010

Harumph

Teesri Ankh, 1982
Directed by: Dubodh Mukherji

All of the good (well, let's say "alarmingly awkward and funny") bits of this film can be watched if you YouTube the songs, and as I posted them here you won't even have to go scavenging for them, hence you have no actual reason to watch this film other than the bits I provide for your education in all things wacktacular.


You love me too, I know.

You MUST check out the short shorts, awkward hopping and side-boob in this one!! 

This film just felt so stale. It was too long, too boring, to cliche and too long. Did I say it was too long? Because it was.  Granted, it only has a run time of 2 hours and 29 minutes, which is not terribly long for Masala standards, but it just drags on and on and on with no end in sight and no clear point of view.

The cinematography styles changed from moment to moment and the movie fell apart due to the inclusion of characters that were treated as "main" and should have stayed in the "supporting" category. Everyone had a back story, everyone had a love story, everyone had revenge to enact or a parent to love...

You can do a multi-perspective film well or you can do it poorly, and this one... well, it was done poorly.

There was only one reason I watched this, and as it is Neetu Week, I'm sure you'll know why, obviously because Neetu is in the film, and because it was her last film before she retired.

The film follows the basic Masala plot-line. Man loves woman and marries her. Daddy disapproves. Woman leaves baby at Shiva's temple. Man finds it. Man takes home baby to wife, wife loves orphan baby. Wife has own kids. Man dies and tells her the orphan baby is his first wife's child. Man makes woman promise to keep loving orphan baby. Woman promises. Man dies. Woman's real child dies. Orphan baby is blamed for child's death. Woman shuns orphan baby. Orphan baby just wants Ma's love. Orphan baby grows up good. Woman's other baby grows up bad. Villains are on the loose. Love scene. Ma's retribution. Orphan baby's acceptance. Fight scene. End.

This was my personal favorite, not only did the hero show up JUST in time, but he's singing as well... and wrestles with people in their knickers! 

Granted, there are other things that flush out those rather obtuse details, but they're not really important in the context of this film because this film just didn't feel like it had some lesson it was teaching or a great idea that needed planted into our minds. I have no idea how the movie did commercially or how it is ranked in greatness these days, but it just felt like a "middle-season" release. The kind of movie you go see only because there is absolutely nothing else to see.

Maybe it was a hit, a Platinum Jubilee or something and I am just not seeing the greatness hidden within. Whatever it was, I took over 600 screen caps (about 2.6 caps/second) so either I was alarmingly trigger happy, or there was just a lot of fantastic WEIRDNESS going on. (Pick the latter! Pick the latter!)

Neetu was not around a lot in the film, which compounded the problems of attention I was having, but when she was on screen she radiated her bubbly self and gave life to her character. She did well playing the scorned daughter with vengeance to enact, and I would have liked to see more of her character developed, but with competition from 23 other story lines, I understand how that might have been diffacult.
And now, a screen-cap retelling of the film... because it's easier:

The adoption:

The Day-Glo Devil Worshiping lair:

A Disembodied Appendages Robbery:

The Lovers Meeting... and it goes badly:

A Girl Fight:

The lovers meeting again and falling in love:
Can I just tell you something?
Violence, especially when MEN BEAT WOMEN does NOT mean pyaaaaar.

Maa Drama:

The CREEPIEST Revenge Mural: 


A Journey to Space:

You MUST watch this song too, click here, as embedding was forbidden. 

Bad Spying Technique in the Hallway of the Person You're Spying On:


Awkward Backdrop Walkie Talkie Usage:



I love magically changing backgrounds! 
Flashy Scorned Neetu!

Um. Owls:

It turns out about 400 of my screen caps were of the owls in this film. 
They. Were. Everywhere.

Whatever THIS Is: 

Interesting Friend-Making Techniques: 



And the Bloody Happy Ending:


And All of THIS:


...This is Hrithik's father. 
It took me only 304,313 hours to figure it out. 
This is what I think I look like on a daily basis...
I don't, by the way...


Just as a post script, looking back on this post and all the giggles it brought me I'm rather confused as to why, with such a abundance of crazy I disliked the film... and I re-watched it a couple times. Hmmm... perhaps I needed a few other people to watch it with me. It would work well in a group viewing, this film.

8 comments:

  1. 1. some days (all) I wish I looked like Neetu.
    2.I have to say that I probably would only enjoy this watching it with you because the wierdness is too much to handle alone.
    3.I think you look like that on a daily basis (sparkle!) -- don't crush all my dreams.

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  2. Liz-child. We all want to look like Neetu... and yes, I'm glad you read into my thinly veiled hint to you and what we'll be doing when you come over. (Well, it won't be THIS film... I have some Shashi!) and as for #3 I just have one thing to say: enabler.

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  3. I'm totally gonna get this, even though you pretty much say avoid. Because WHO ISN'T IN THIS FILM? It's got Dharam, Shotgun, Amjad Khan (omg I love him), HRITHIK'S PAPA!, Zeenat and the wonder of Neetu!

    And it looks like, weirder than weird, so I'll probably adore it.

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  4. Oh this looks amazing! I'm with Ness - Imma own and Imma watch the beejezus out of it! That is one HELL of a lair and you know how I love lairs! I think I've seen some of that dayglo set before, as well as the leopard Neetu is leaning on. Love the owls and the overexposed Dharmendra!

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  5. PS I am dying with giggles because my verification word for that comment was REARASPO, like "rear ass pose" or something, which is of course what Dharmendra is doing in the "decent lover" cap!

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  6. Hahah yeah BETH HAS THE RIGHT IDEA. Who doesn't want to see Dharam in his short shorts, steaming it up with a tree? I know that is something I WOULD PAY GOOD MONEY FOR.

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  7. Ness, Beth: I have been corrected. Apparently this film is awesome. It must be watched in a group, cackling with everyone else.

    This film rocks, and so do rear ass poses.

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  8. oh man the links don't work. now i must watch it. gahhh

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